Who are you? Where have you been? Where are you going? - David Beckham, 2003

They say things can change in an instant. Perhaps thinking about this could be seen as somewhat ironic after watching (what was probably) the season climax of Prison Break. Lincoln is about to get the chair and after all the promises of him maybe being pardoned, him getting off on some technicality, something going wrong with the process – as the episode ended last night, we realized that all those possibilities, all the faint flickers of hope turned out to be bullshit. Some things are inevitable, however much we want them not to be. This might not be the best illustration of what I’m trying to put in writing because, thanks to some conditioning, we’ve come to bloody well expect these cliffhangers from TV shows, and Lincoln will probably get off next week. Or the week after that.
I guess, though, that the blow gets softened when the ‘unpleasant news’ that you know is unavoidable takes forever to materialize. You know that it’s going to happen, but everyone around you continues acting as if nothing’s going to change and that it’ll all be okay in the end. It will, in some respects. But this thing happens, and you know things will be different from now on. But weren’t they always going to be? At this stage of one’s life, when there’s so much potential, so many opportunities to grow, to develop ideas, to forge a career, to make some extra money here and there, to be happy, to cultivate friendships… what is there to be bleak about? Sure, from time to time you do receive news that’s negative but it’s at those times that you find yourself stepping back for a second and having those all-too rare moments of ‘me’ time – when you balance out all the promise that the month and year ahead hold with whatever ‘bad news’ you’ve received.

As for me I'll be ok.



Yes – this is me getting deep.
Yes – it’s been a while.
Yes – I have a good reason to do so.
No – this is not about a girl.
No – it’s not something that earth shattering.
No – my brother’s not getting the electric chair (that’s me being full of shit right there)
No – you’re not supposed to have been able to figure it out from what you’ve just read. I suppose you’ll eventually find out when the moment is right. Or I might just blurt out the ‘bad news’ when I next see you.
And no – I’m not all depro and about to jump in front of a train – I’ve dealt with most of this ages ago.
(And as an aside, I’m pretty impressed with just how deep I got there, having just reread the stream of consciousness)